What the Life and Loss of My Dogs Taught Me About a Good God

What the Life and Loss of My Dogs Taught Me About my Good God

Anyone who knew me 12 years ago will tell you that when we first brought our Lab puppy, Ziggy home, I was a legit nut-job.  My first full workday away from him, I turned to my co-horts who were parents and in all seriousness asked: “Ok, so, like how do you have kids?” Falling in love with this pup sent me reeling and I foresaw myself never, ever not worrying about my potential, future, flesh and blood bundles of joy. 

The next several weeks I followed Ziggy around our house and yard pithily like some helicopter dog-mom. I recall waking up in the middle night to check to see if he was breathing, conjuring up the image in my sub-conscious that he was choking on my jewelry. I had lost it. But only because I deep down had grasped something: I loved him and would not and could not keep him alive forever. And most likely would out-live him. The realization broke my heart.

Ziggy was dealing with his own unsettling and tore up our new- to- us home. Carpet and drywall, couches and baseboards. Yep, craziness. Being pretty baffled, kinda angry but still a doting dog-mother I googled: “dog with anxiety” The solution that stuck out was: Get the pooch a friend. Well that made sense right? Anyone should calm down when they aren't so lonely. Enter Zoey. A spunky, life-loving, food- devouring, wild girl whom we instantly loved. More craziness.

(Oh the Zoey stories. And side-note: Ziggy did not stop the destroying. For years. I own like three measly pairs of shoes now)

But life with two retrievers that we neglected to train was blissfully chaotic. Winston and I embraced the good-stuff. We walked them every-day and spent our weekends driving through Starbucks and jetting around to different dog parks. We met so many of our neighbors. We cuddled the big fur balls on chilly nights. We sipped lattes and enjoyed the hilarity of viewing our two adorable goofballs tussle with each other and other dogs.

Life marched on and we seemingly blinked and welcomed three (human) daughters in twenty-two months. Needless to say, Zig and Zoe were still loved but their spoiled off- leash puppocino weekends were replaced with days lounging in the house under high-chairs, slurping up the welcomed, inevitable messes.

To mommy though, these messes seemed to come ad infintum. Everyone needed to potty at the same time. A toddler calling for me to help her in the bathroom as I changed yet another diaper all whilst listening to the hounds pounding their paws at our back door. “Mom, we gotta go too!” It was always at the same time. All five of them had to poo always at the same time.

Thus, I found myself thinking thoughts I swore I’d never entertain. Dogs and kids, is it worth it? Are we insane? Should we give Ziggy and Zoey up? It was honestly a lot of work and sacrifice. But at the end of the day when the kids were tucked in and the house finally quiet, Ziggy and Zoey would often sit at my feet and look up at me. It almost felt like they were communicating: it’s time for us to give back, we see you mom and dad and all you do, thanks for still loving us too.

The last year of their lives found us all home together. Covid hit and needless to say, the world kind of turned upside down. I was pregnant and the news reports of the loss of human life and other world events(coupled with me hearing the term geriatric pregnancy) and I had a difficult time battling my own new-found anxiety.

Walking almost every day, I began to listen to podcasts on evidence for the historic Christian faith. I was searching for peace and truth. It thrilled me and fascinated me to study the enormous amount of scientific and historic evidence that corroborated the truth of the faith that I grew up with.

Before I had studied the evidential facts, there were times in my life when it felt so clear that God was there. I had several experiences that he was real. That he loved me. Often throughout scares with the dogs’ health and safety, I would pray. I felt silly to pray about my pets. But I would do it anyways. It's funny the things the Lord may use to draw us to Him. The Bible teaches that humans matter greatly to their creator and it built my faith to state my fears and to acknowledge that the creator God saw and knew my pain over inevitably losing my pups. My prayers were always that they would live a long time. And they did.

The loss of our Zoey brought a searing pain I’d never known. To add to the grief, my sweet baby girls would cry and grieve at bedtime. They were so young to lose a family member and the world was suddenly scary and cruel to them. Fighting to succumb to my own grief, It was then that I clung to what the Bible speaks of. The goodness of God. The promise of the next life. And I relayed over and over in my mind the external evidence for Jesus' Resurrection and the existence of a creator.  I would repeat nightly to my sobbing girls: “ God made Zoey and He loved her. We can hope in him. This life is not all this is. This world is not our home. " All the while, honestly questioning if my words were true.

What  I really thought I wanted was for the clouds to separate and to see Zoey running and happy and in the presence of the Lord.

Right before Ziggy’s time, I began again to wrestle with doubt in the God of the Bible and His goodness. Ironically the studying of all the evidence sometimes will bring about the questioning.  Thoughts that entered my mind went something like this: Countless intelligent, scientists, doctors and professors default to naturalism. They claim God doesn't exist. (Even though I had spent a year listening to brilliant scientists, doctors, and professors make a logical case for the evidence of Christianity) I would think to myself but what if they’re right? What if the God of the Bible did not exist? And honestly I felt so frustrated. Why doesn’t the Bible tell us that our pets will be in heaven?  Most respectable Christians I know hold a strong belief that our pets will be in heaven. But, I wanted it spelled out for me.

My realization and conclusion came in our last minutes with Ziggy. The day that I had known and dreaded for so long had finally come. But along with grief it brought forth so much clarity. That someone who doesn't believe in God can argue away about Naturalism all day. Naturalism holds that only the natural world exists. But one of the implications of naturalism are that humans don’t matter(obviously pets wouldn’t matter either). With naturalism as an explanation, we are the result of a blind, automatic process. If that is reality, people really have no more value than the dirt on the ground.

The confusion and the mind wrestling stopped.

I just can’t state out loud that my dogs didn’t matter or even more than that, people are simply particles operating numbly through time. Throw in also, there really is no such thing as love.  Our thoughts and emotions are just the result of physical laws. To me, that will never add up. And I think, all of us, when utilizing intuition, recognize that people have immeasurable worth. And that love is real.

If you are or ever have been a dog owner. You know they love you. Naturalism really just does not fit if you love your dog. On the contrary, Christians can attest that the good, loving God of the Bible does fit the picture. That animals matter to him too.

Proverbs 12:5 The Righteous take care of their animals.

Waiting to put Ziggy down I was praying and pouring my heart out to God. Once again he showed me : He saw me and He loves me. He gifted me with a verse that came to mind. It comforted me beyond comprehension.

Matthew 7:11 So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him?

To me that was language that God was simply reminding me. He is good. Trust him. Ziggy and Zoey had a purpose if not only for this moment to bring you closer to Me. You are my valuable child and I delight in giving you good things. You get that love and delight for other people (and your fur babies) from me.

Ziggy and Zoey were gifts. God’s love is a gift.  Heaven is a gift. My dogs with me forever in a perfect world with my Heavenly Father? Consistent with the character of the God of the Bible that I know and love.

Despite the heartache and the loss. It was worth it. Love is always, always worth it.