The Beauty in Recognizing You Are NOT Enough

I'll never forget when I found out that my childhood, celebrity crush was planning to attend my cousin's wedding. Well, celebrity to me. Unless you closely followed professional soccer in the late 90's you most likely have never heard of said crush. Seemed like a rare coincidence that at thirty one years old, I would finally get the chance to meet him.

I would certainly be lying if I told you I was not hoping to impress him.

Before I disclose what actually happened, let me first reveal a pretty vulnerable, newfound realization about myself: I have spent a lot of my life posturing. Performing and striving. Seeking the affirmation of others.  Falsely believing that my value derived from what I could accomplish or how I appeared to have it all together.

And it has been a year of learning for me. And it has been oh so good.

It is absolutely a beautiful truth to recognize that I can choose to be done attempting to perform.

It's been so freeing to understand that I am not enough. And I don't need to be.

Let me tell you friend, that you too can quiet the fears and quit the striving. You too, can live a life marked by freedom and rest. And knowing you are loved.

 (Before I go on, if you don't feel seen or valued please know that I am so so sorry and if you are deeply hurting please please reach out and get help.  This blog piece is in no way not meant to take the place of good therapy but I can assure you, there is always hope, you can find purpose and realize the truth: you are immensely loved and valuable.) 

 The world today is exhausting. It is filled with compelling lies. Lies that sound nice and some of these lies are often partially right. But these wrong ideas are virtually everywhere. The little blue screen we keep in our pockets is either enticing us to try something new that promises to fulfill all our dreams... or conversely, we are told we are perfect just the way we are. 

There's no getting around it, we are regularly fed this all-too common lie: 

That we are all enough. 

You've probably heard something like we just gotta love ourselves more then we can love others. 

We do? Us with our grub-hub dinners, on-demand shows, and our perfectly cozy homes? We need more self-love? Now I'm not knocking the freedoms that advanced technology has brought us - I personally am quite fond of my smartphone and dinner being delivered but I 'm gonna claim that I don't think that's it. I think I am naturally pretty good at loving myself and putting myself first. 

So let's discuss this idea of being enough.

Shouldn't we be able to dig down super deep and maybe there is some inner, miniature buddha we just haven't tapped into? 

Or instead of channeling inner strength, what if maybe we just need to let it all go? Like Elsa.

 Maybe once we let go whatever is hindering our happiness then surely we will realize we are perfect the way we are? And then our ice crystal power will finally be released?

Have you really tried to "let it go" and have no ice castles to show for it? Yeah, me too.

Truth is, this promotes more insecurity and leads to more stress and more bondage. 

Truth is, this idea of humanity and us being enough is toxic. 

Author Allie Beth Stuckey wisely points out in her remarkable book (You are Not Enough: But that's okay) that the self-help industry has been around for 50 plus years. Stuckey notes that in the modern, wealthy world we have all the resources at our fingertips, but suicide rates and loneliness and depression have never been higher. 

To quote Stuckey: The self can not both be the solution and the problem.

Preach it girl. We need to change. Please stop society. Stop telling us that we are all enough.

Okay but let's say we are enough... just for arguments sake. 

It does bear the question then why are we the generation that seems to struggle the most with mental health? Why after people achieve life-long dreams do they still feel worthless? 

I want to suggest a different idea. I want to point out that our worth does not come from  

our popularity, our svelte figures, you-tube subscribers, high cheekbones, our realm of influence,  or the bulk of our bank accounts. 

Our value does not come from the good we do. But from who God is and from what He has done.

Here's the beautiful part. We are NOT enough but Jesus is enough and always will be.  

Okay hang with me. You may say religion is nuts or that all religions teach basically the same thing (Madonna and Oprah I'm looking at you)...You may have even been burned by the church. I'm sorry and I've been there.

But that's where I want to point out that we cannot and should not conflate the bad things people have done with a good God. 

I want to just suggest why we need to stop listening to what people say about our humanity and this idea of being enough.

And look at what God says about us.

If the Bible is from God then it might be worth considering what He has to say. And there are two distinct reasons the Bible and the Christian Faith stand out. Two ways it is remarkably different from all the other religions or worldviews.  (Also see below for my little rant on this idea)

First off, Christianity is the one worldview that is based on a historical event (the Resurrection of Jesus of Nazareth) Evidence from history, archaelogy and science gives us objective elements we can look to. 

The Christian faith is not based on some guru had some revelation under a tree.  

And secondly, Christianity teaches us that we don't have to be enough.  

In the lounge at my grandfather's funeral showing, I'll never forget when one of my relatives claimed that she was worried about heaven. And if she would be good enough to make it there. Someone assured her that "as long as she just doesn't murder anyone, she would surely gain access to the pearly gates."

Do you wonder this? You aren't alone. This is by and large one of the most common misconceptions about the Bible that I have witnessed.

Good people don't go to heaven.

The idea that God and I are all good because I am good or the belief that if we do just one more good deed than bad thing then surely we will go to heaven.

This idea is in stark contradiction to what the Bible says.

See we want to do things ourselves, we want to rely on our own effort. The worldviews that 
I've studied all base their salvation on this idea. Our good works. The good we do gets us there.

But Jesus states that hatred in our hearts is the equivalent of murder.*

The Bible explicitly teaches that we are not enough. 

And this is the good news. The best news. We do in fact matter! Our lives have meaning. We are immensely valuable. Worth dying for. 

Our value is not found from within or what society says. Our worth is found from what the truthful God of the Universe claims. Jesus is God in human flesh.  He had to be God. He had to be perfect  and He chose to do it because God is love. When we recognize that our efforts fall short we can see that God is like a good dad that says don't worry kid, I got you. I paid for your debt with my very life. 

Come let me carry you in my arms while you rest.

And think about it....we could never be good enough because where do you draw the line? If the standard of good is God...Well then any imperfect soul is simply not enough. Any hatred in our hearts sets us apart from Him. 

Knowing this, we can experience freedom. We can begin to recognize the beauty of being known and loved. 

And we can in turn know and love God. 

So at the wedding when I had the chance to meet my big old childhood crush? Well he did sit in front of me during the ceremony. And he kept glancing my way. But not because I was flirting or impressive by any means. More likely because I was struggling to suppress my laughter. One of my nine month old twins was asleep in my arms and she could not stop snoring. 

Now that I am remembering it all, I think I had a teensy bit of baby puke on my dress and I'm sure the dark circles under my eyes were peeking through. I won't even discuss my rusty soccer skills but basically I was in no place to impress. I was given the chance but chose not to meet him at the reception. 

Maybe I didn't feel like I was enough but I also didn't really care.

Because I was known and loved.  I wanted to dance with my cousins and aunts and uncles and be with my husband.

At that point  in our marriage, Winston was routinely giving up his own happiness to meet my needs and the needs of our three kids under three. He knew my flaws better than anyone and he chose to still love me.

Recognizing that I was known and truly loved stopped the anxiety and the desire to posture.

Can you see? My husband is a mere human and even the best spouses can only meet some of our longings. So please consider starting the New Year off listening to whom says they love you. Who made you. You know you are valuable. Immeasurably. So listen to Jesus.

After all Buddha and Muhammed and other "prophets" say let me lead you to the truth. Jesus says: "I am the truth." **

The gurus, prophets and society claim you just need to keep striving to find the inner god or the god you are looking to create. And Jesus says:" I am God and I've come to find you. ***

On the cross, Jesus's last words were: "It is finished."

Jesus's enoughness is offered to every human being on the planet. To those who've never opened a bible or stepped foot in a church or even thought about God. To the single woman, to those struggling with substance abuse, to the young, to the poor, to the elderly, to me and you and anyone who wants to draw near to Him.  

So we can stop all the worrying and the doing and the posturing. We can be at peace and find rest in what He has done. Now that I've begun to more deeply experience God's love I can quit the stage act. I believe the bible reveals that God wants us to not just know Him intellectually or know things about Him. But walk through this hard life with Him. Talk to him like he's your friend and your father. I'm going to suggest that we do know we are not enough and we all really are just longing for Jesus.

That is what is distinct and beautiful about the Bible and the Christian Faith. You are not enough, I am not enough and never will be. But Jesus is.

*Matthew 5:21

“You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder,[a] and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ 22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister[b][c] will be subject to judgment.

** John 14:6 Jesus said: I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.

***Luke 15 The parable of the lost sheep

(Important side note...religions can't all be true, I'm sorry, I can't resist.  Tell your kids, tell your friends and read that again. It is illogical for all religions to be true. Can't happen. When at the heart they make different truth claims... then it can't happen. All can be false or one can be true or even NONE can be true. But logically, nope they can't all be what matches reality or truth. Just can't. okay end rant.)